It starts off simple enough. Maybe you rode bikes with your childhood friends around the neighborhood, terrorizing stray cats and dandelions. Maybe your family went to the beach one summer where your parents rented cruisers and spent an afternoon along the waterfront. Maybe you took your significant other of the week in high school to the skate park, where you ate snow cones, watched the BMX riders, and kept avoiding eye contact in that bashful teenage way. But somehow, one thing leads to another. One bike is never enough. It’s been scientifically proven. The number of bikes one should own is:
n + 1
in which n = the number of bikes you have
It gets us all eventually. But it’s nothing to be ashamed of. And then you’re hooked.
1. Walmart/Target mountain bike
After the mechanic declares your car a lemon and has it sent off to that grand junkyard in the sky, you might as well be boned. Your broke ass can’t afford another car, not if you still want a roof over your head and food to eat. Taking Uber and Lyft will be even more costly in the long run; public transit is basically a joke where you live. You can’t bum rides from your roommates forever, and walking is for chumps. What do you do?
You think of something. You get your friend to take you to the closest Walmart or Target and you buy the first mountain bike that fits you. It looks like a clearance rack toy and rides like a Model T. It’s under $100 and can get you to work, the bars, and your court date on time. It’s perfect.
2. Single speed from Craigslist
When one of the pedals snaps off your bike, you wheel it to the bike shop a block away. They are more than willing to fix it up, and to also declare you the proud owner of a BSO, or Bike Shaped Object. Their burns are swift and sick. You can’t help but fire back; you can’t let them roast you like this, not without fighting back a bit. They acknowledge your mettle and from here, a friendly rivalry is born.
When your Walmart/Target BSO finally bites the dust, you hit up Craigslist and scroll through the listings. For a while, it seems like everyone else is just selling their own Walmart/Target BSOs, until you spot The One. It’s a little beaten up, sure, but who isn’t? You can’t pass up this bargain, and the next day, you are the proud owner of a steel single speed from the 80s, just as cool now as it was back then.
3. Entry level road bike
The employees at the bike shop you now frequent regularly have invited you on their group ride. Deciding between riding with them or watching Netflix until you fall asleep snoring is an easy choice. You show up bright eyed and bushy tailed with your trusty single speed, ready to crush some hills. But somehow, they seem to be crushing you instead. Time after time, you get left in the dust, wheezing as you stand pedaling. You can’t keep up on the downhills either; you spin and spin but everyone else just zooms on ahead. Isn’t there anything you can do about this?
You spend a Saturday afternoon test riding road bikes, shifting through the gears and marveling at how much difference they make. At this point, you have saved up several hundred dollars, enough for a respectable road bike. It comes with 14 speeds and two bottle cages. You have to buy pedals separately; what’s up with that? But most importantly, there are red streaks painted on the frame, and red always helps you go faster.
4. Hardtail mountain bike
One day, while chatting with a coworker, they bring up their weekend in Moab. “Mo – ab?” you ask. “Where’s that?” They are only too happy to enlighten you to the world of mountain biking; jumps, drops, features, you name it, they are telling you all about it in animated detail. Their eyes light up as they describe the rock gardens, and how they absolutely shredded gnar. Frankly, their life sounds so much better than yours.
You make a beeline for your local bike shop and pose your new dilemma to them. They are only too happy to help you demo multiple bikes, all with varying degrees of squishiness. You sleep on the decision a little, visit other bike shops. But when you come back to your bike shop, you know what choice you will make. You decide on an entry level hardtail, perfect for singletrack and wallet-friendly too. You figure you can upgrade to something better if the bug really bites.
5. Full suspension mountain bike
You go mountain biking with your coworker, and honestly, it’s rough at first. There are all these rocks and trees in the way; you get flats constantly; toilet paper is not readily available in the woods. But it gets better. Your technique starts improving, along with your stamina. Two thousand feet of elevation gain? That’s nothing!
However, you still can’t quite keep up with your new rider friends. They tear through rocks and roots like nothing, leaving you sweaty and discouraged. You consider your options, and decide that an upgrade is in order. You save up for the next year, forgoing nights out and health insurance. On your birthday, you gift yourself a brand new full suspension mountain bike. With this, you’ll be the king or queen of the mountain.
6. Touring bike
Your 30s are quickly approaching, which means a reality check is in order. What have you accomplished up to this point in life? Have you done good for the world? What is your purpose? These questions weigh heavy on your heart, sparking an early life crisis. So it feels natural to quit your job, obtain a touring bike, sell all your other stuff, and set off with no real goal in mind. Sure, sometimes the days are long, and the mosquitoes can get ferocious. But it’s just plain fun to ride all day, letting the scenery roll by, even if it can get a little lonely.
You first see him or her at a campground just outside of Fresno, CA. They’re starting a fire with nothing but flint, and miraculously succeeding at it. You approach them for their legs of steel but stay for their heart of gold. The two of you stay up all night sharing travel stories and laughing under the stars. You decide to ride together, continuing down through Mexico and South America until you reach the southernmost point of the Americas, holding hands and staring into such endless blue. You can’t imagine a better way to end your bike tour.
7. Cargo bike
You and your new spouse rent a house in a charming inner-ring suburb, find new jobs, hold barbecues and go to art festivals and have your first child. He is quite the screamer. All your money budgeted for bike upgrades now goes to diapers. You wonder if you’ll ever feel like a real person again. After you have a second child, a daughter, it seems like that will never be the case.
But your brilliant spouse has a great idea. You hear them out and agree immediately. The two of you pool your savings and bring home a longtail cargo bike, complete with two child seats. The kids love it; pedaling them around helps keep off the pounds. It’s also just plain fun, and who can say no to that?!
8. Frankenbike
Life goes on, as it tends to do. The kids get older, learn to drive, and start taking their cars everywhere. Your spouse wants a divorce. At first you feel like that came out of nowhere; but did it? Maybe it’s their fault, maybe it’s your fault. You don’t know anymore. You’re so worn down. You try to remember what made you happy and it takes a while.
The divorce goes as smoothly as it can. Your spouse packs up and leaves with nothing to say. The kids graduate high school and move out. You sit alone in your empty house for a month before calling up an old buddy. He comes over with a mishmash of bike parts and a steel road bike frame. The two of you spend the next few weeks building a new bike, something not quite so zippy and sleek. It’s got mismatched shifters; a disc brake in front and a V brake in the back. The saddle has seen better days. But it comes together somehow, and it reminds you of yourself. It brings a smile to your face.
9. Electric bike
Despite your crumbling family life, things aren’t going so bad. You’ve been going on group rides, meeting new people. They go drinking afterwards and invite you along. You almost feel like you’re 20 again, lightheaded from the booze but laughing along with everyone else.
One day, you wake up and look in the mirror. Has that gut always been there? Maybe you’ve had one too many beers in the past few months. In any case, you aren’t 20 again, and little aches and pains start popping up more often now. You can’t quite accelerate on your bike like you used to. But you don’t want to let it get you down. You swing by your local bike shop and pick up a spiffy e-bike. It costs more than your first car did. But it sure does feel nice to let the motor do its magic up hills. The feeling of the wind through your hair is hard to beat.
10. Recumbent tricycle
The years pass by. Wedding anniversaries and funerals fill your calendar, friends move away. Your hair has turned a lovely snow white with streaks of gray. You start getting the senior discount without asking for it. It’s nice to get 10 percent off movie tickets, but you start thinking; is this it? Your golden years haven’t been bad; you retired a few years ago and you have so much free time now. Luckily, you’ve been able to fill your days with different activities, so you won’t become senile. But you can’t quite shake the feeling that something is missing.
You swing by your local bike shop once more, still going strong after all these years. They always have a solution for you and this time, it comes in the form of a recumbent trike. The frame is kelly green and the seat is padded. You mount a bright orange flag on the back and hit the greenways. It turns heads for sure. Adults stare; kids point and laugh. But what do you care? You’ve run out of fucks to give. You know you look cool, maybe a little dorky, but it doesn’t matter. The fun is just starting.
Everyone has their own n+1 story. What’s yours? Leave a comment below, I would love to hear it!
Eunice Wang 